


Some Fight With Words, Others With Sabers

by daxcat79



Series: A New Kind Of Jedi [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Family, Romance, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-27 22:53:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10818429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daxcat79/pseuds/daxcat79
Summary: There exists a story in which Ben Solo is something new, facing an evil so strong that it could possibly destroy him.  Her name is Rey.





	Some Fight With Words, Others With Sabers

**Author's Note:**

> Darth Vader was such a great villain, but I really feel like they missed an awesome opportunity to turn Rey into something super dynamic and terrifying. And maybe make Ben Solo’s character less like the lyrics to something from Green Day. So I’m flipping the switch. Call it a fix!it fic if you’d like.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Star Wars… I barely own the clothes in my closet.

The warmth of his saber was a welcome contrast to the cold and cruel eyes of his best friend. His hand squeezed her wrist, just barely keeping her from dispatching him with his own weapon. Her skills matched his own in the Force, but with a lightsaber in her hand she had no equal. His heart beat furiously in his chest, not unusual in her presence, though never for a reason such as this. “Don’t do this,” he croaked through gritted teeth. “You can still come back with me.” 

Harsh laughter eased the pressure of her weapon against his, and he could almost smell the faint scent of mint tea with honey. Their lightsabers screamed and whined with the pressure, and his arms were beginning to shake. The metal railing against his back dug deep into his skin. “It’s too late for that now.”

Jedi killer. She was a Jedi killer now. Everyone they’d ever trained with. Everyone they’d once considered friends… viciously cut down like vermin. Only he and Master Luke were left alive, and she was making quite the effort to finish him off now. He refused to glance down as Luke lay unconscious under building rubble. He trained his eyes on her, on the dangerous heat between them as sweat dripped down her face and soaked his torn shirt. Her laughter was justified. She’d already done something unforgivable. She’d already made her choice.

Emotions charged him like a battery, none of which his Master would approve of. He was lost in a heightened state of awareness. He sensed her hatred, her conflict, her anger, and something faint like a glimmering star that had long since imploded. He knew what that _something_ was, clawing inside her weakly in the dark pit she’d put it in. It was his only hope of reaching her. He slipped his hand from her wrist and the Force surged through him as he sent it out from his open palm. She flew backwards violently as he turned to the offensive.

She blocked each blow of his weapon easily, deflecting everything he threw at her. “I loved you!” he shouted with a gut-wrenching cry. “I loved everything about you!”

Her mind was in constant flux, feeding off every emotion and every desire she’d ever had. Her desire for power, for pleasure (for him), and the rage that inevitably turned that pleasure into pain. Deep down in the dark places of his heart he wanted her still. His body hummed with adrenaline and awareness. He took each attack with a heavy heart, and blocked each blow in his desperation to survive. “Then you’re a pathetic fool!” she shrieked back. Her brown hair hung in a loose bun with strands clinging to her neck.

His powers with the Force were encompassing, and he still felt that _something_ kick and scratch. She didn’t want him dead. Her skills with a lightsaber were beyond him, and yet he still breathed. He used a nearby wall as leverage to kick into her chest, knocking her down and sending her lightsaber flying from her hand. He reached out to grab her, but she used the force to fling him sideways, providing her enough time to grab the saber and make her escape. He was struggling to stand despite injuries he’d sustained, his eyes glanced back at his Master only briefly, but he couldn’t let her go. He rushed off on the chase, out into the cold, a shocking contrast to the heat inside the crumbled temple that had been his home.

His legs felt like rubber, and he sank into the snow and ice with very little traction to help him catch up with her. In his desperation and exhaustion he stalled, taking the deepest breath he could managed. “Rey!” he called out to her. She didn’t look back. She disappeared into the forest and faded from his sight. It was only then that he felt the burning of his skin, the numbness of his face as he dropped to his knees with a weary gasp. She was gone. The only woman he’d ever loved was gone.

The loud rumble of an old X-wing pierced his ear drums as he dropped further into the white cold, and twisted around towards the sky. He let the chill sink into his clothes and skin; numbing his own conflict as the ship flew off and took her with it. He’d failed her. He’d failed Master Luke. Everyone was dead. Everyone.

“Ben!”

The voice felt far away. He was shattered, beaten, losing consciousness fast. His head ached and his face burned like fire despite the snow falling over him. His mouth tasted of syrup and iron, and when he tried to spit he saw a flash of red against the pure white of the snow. “Mother,” he whispered weakly as his eyes fluttered closed; a gentle buzzing in the back of head assuring him that help was on the way.

_“Ben!”_

*~*~*

Han felt a twinge at seeing the body lying limp in the bacta tank. His stomach was in knots wishing he could see those familiar eyes stare back at him. He needed some proof besides medical equipment that could assure him that a heart was beating steady and strong inside that tank. Leia was looking after Luke and making sure he was recovering, well aware that all they could do was wait. The old boy would have died if Ben hadn’t been around to protect him from Rey’s furious attack. He’d never seen so many Jedi cut down and executed like animals… some of them no older than eleven. He felt sick, but he refused to leave the room just yet. He needed to see his son’s eyes.

“How is he?”

He turned when he heard Leia’s voice, swallowing hard and licking dry lips. He hadn’t even realized she’d entered the room. “No change. He got banged up pretty bad. They managed to save his right eye, but he’ll have one heck of a scar. He was shot in his side by a blaster, but it missed any vital organs. The medical droid told me it’s concerned about the head injury. If he doesn’t wake up soon…” his voice wavered. This wasn’t right. It wasn’t right to be standing in front of his own son praying the kid would just open his damn eyes.

Leia was by his side in an instant, arms wrapped around his hips. He pulled her even tighter into him and inhaled her scent. It was calming. It was exactly what he needed with so much uncertainty floating unconscious before him. Han needed his son to be okay. He needed Ben to wake up. “He’s strong… like his father,” she spoke into his chest. “He’ll be okay.”

Just one eye. All Han needed was a flutter. He’d be satisfied with a flutter if he couldn’t actually see those dark brown eyes just yet. One flutter of those eyes and his heart could start beating again. “How’s Luke?”

“Recovering. Rey damaged his mechanical hand, so they’re replacing it. He just needs rest.”

Han nodded, keeping his eyes steady on his son. “Good… good. Glad he’s okay.”

“You want to slip away for a while, get some rest?” she offered. Leia knew better, but he supposed she was too stubborn not to ask. 

“I’m staying. I won’t leave my son, Leia… I can’t.”

“I know.”

*~*~*

There was a time when he thought maybe he had a chance for more than the life of a Jedi. Ben Solo respected Master Luke’s training, but they so often disagreed on what the will of the Force really wanted. His uncle Luke wanted to rebuild the fallen Jedi council, live in a past that’d fallen victim to the Empire for very good reasons. Politics and corruption, the lust for power and victory… it had twisted the old council into a shadow of it’s former self. Ben wanted to walk a different path. His own path.

Watching Rey laugh as he made an utter fool of himself had been his downfall. He’d been raised with a special set of values far beyond what the Jedi taught. He’d been exposed to love and mess, passion and pain… light and darkness. His parents were a shining example of what happened when fairytales turned into reality. They embraced every mistake and every perfect moment. Their battles for love were legendary, and he thought maybe… maybe he’d found something new. Even a taste of their blissful burden would have been worth it. He’d kissed Rey once, just desperate enough to taste her lips.

_‘We can’t, Ben.’_

_‘Who says?’_

_‘Every lesson we’ve ever been taught… we can’t throw all that away for a kiss.’_

_‘I want more….’_

He sensed the mood around him like an angry cloud hovering and waiting for the thunder. He hadn’t yet opened his eyes, overwhelmed by the memories, and the burning need that seeps into his thawed out soul. Even now her name was on his lips, the only name he knew in the space between consciousness and his dreams. “Rey.”

“Ben?”

The male voice was familiar and urging, drawing him back to a reality he wasn’t ready to face just yet. He was clinging to the memory of her palm against his chest, of the kiss he’d stolen as she’d laughed. His limbs felt heavy. He lacked the strength to lift his head. His mouth was as dry as the desert world of Jakku, and he forced his eyelids to obey his commands. “Father?”

“Thank the Force,” his father whispered faintly. The lights above Ben blinded his vision, but the voice was distinct and familiar. His lips curled despite everything and he twisted his neck in time to see his father reach out to him, taking his hand. “You scared me there for a minute, kid.”

“I didn’t mean to,” he assured him weakly, and felt his mother reach out to lay a hand on his chest. Her face came into view, his eyes took a little longer to adjust than was normal. Relief washed over him at seeing her beautiful face.

“We’re just glad you’re okay. You saved Luke’s life today. Oh Ben… I’m just so proud of you,” she spoke, her voice thick and strained with heightened emotions.

Ben shook his head, finding their praise unwelcome after all he’d been through. “Don’t be. Rey’s gone.”

“We know, kid,” his father confirmed.

He wasn’t sure how to convey what he was feeling. They wouldn’t understand. The frustration and conflict rose inside him and squeezed hard. If he drifted back to the memories of her, everything burned and caught fire. He couldn’t settle on which version was accurate. Her gleaming smile was replaced with a sneer. Her bright eyes were cold and dead. Rey was gone, but that wasn’t Rey he’d been fighting anyway. It’d been so long, but not long enough… not enough for her to have become _this_.

His mother seemed to sense his confusion, her eyes filled with both kindness and pity. “You couldn’t have known.”

Ben should have known, though, shouldn’t he have? His family was strong with the force, his grandfather one of the most powerful Jedi to have ever lived. Even as a Sith he’d been ferocious and unstoppable. Darkness sunk into the pit of his stomach, while the light pulled at his heart. Love and hate. Good and evil. He felt all these things like a tightrope swinging with each step he took. No amount of sharp wind would make him fall, but somehow Rey had. She’d fallen to the abyss and she was screaming for release. She called to him. _‘Help me… please._

Tears filled his eyes and he closed them once more. It didn’t stop his parents from noticing. “Hey, we’re here. We’re right here for you, son. We’re not going anywhere,” his father soothed.

He felt their connection like a tether. Family blood ties were surging through him. He thought of Anakin Skywalker and the dreams. He felt the flashes of desperation pulling and tugging, the will of the Force setting him free of everything. Rey had thrown him off balance and his arms were waving wildly as he struggled to find his footing. The leanings of the Force were undeniable, insistent, assuring him that peace would be impossible now. “I… I can’t… I can’t do this,” he admitted weakly. Part of him was terrified they’d reconsider their pride. He needed them now more than ever. He wouldn’t be able to bare rejection, not in his current state.

“Shhhhh,” Leia soothed, like she always had when he was a child in her arms. Gentle hands played with the dark strands of his hair. Her touch forced him back to the present, to the faces of his parents. “We’re right here.”

He’d lost everything today. His closest friends, the life he’d been clinging to despite every doubt, and Rey… he’d lost Rey. It all proved to be too much. His father’s voice was strong, but tender. “Get some rest. We’ll be here when you wake up.”

*~* **Three Years Later** *~*

“I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.”

It was hard to admit those words, especially to someone like Han Solo. They were staring off into the void together; father and son in the wilderness outside of their Resistance Base. There was a chill in the air, but the night was quiet at least. Han’s head twisted slowly to scan Ben’s profile, searching for something, though he had no idea what. “I’d do anything, you know… anything to help.”

Luke was gone… long gone. The First Order grew more powerful with each passing day, and the Resistance was facing a crushing defeat if he stood by doing nothing. Ben wasn’t quite ready to look into his father’s eyes. He wasn’t sure what he’d see. Judgement, perhaps? Anger? Fear? All the things he’d been feeling himself, surely! Three years was a very long time… a lifetime. “I’ve sent Poe on a mission in the General’s name. She doesn’t know about his mission, but I had to do it. Tekka has the secret to finding Uncle Luke, father. Poe will meet with him and find the last piece of the map.”

“You’re bringing Luke back?” Han Solo questioned, voice deeper than usual.

“The Resistance needs the Jedi.”

“They have you,” his father pointed out, too stubborn to see what his own son was planning.

Ben shook his head. “I have to face her, father. She’ll either kill me… or come back with me, but I have to try.”

His father’s eyes widened, jaw clenched in defiance. He could sense the fear and anger. Fear that he’d lose a son, and anger that his child would be stupid enough to take on a Jedi killer as dangerous as Rey. Ben could be just as stubborn as Han. Finally, he built up the nerve to look at Han without flinching. “You taught me to be brave, to be selfless, to follow my own path-”

“This wasn’t the path I had in mind!” Han insisted, sharply. His father was forever stubborn, even when he knew he’d lose the fight. Ben had made up his mind.

He’d learned long ago that there was no arguing with Han Solo. Leia Organa was the only one truly brave enough to go head to head with the ex-smuggler, and Ben was well-aware where that led. His father was an unmovable force, unendingly resourceful, and resistant to reason. “You and I both know the Starkiller base is out there… a weapon we cannot hope to stop.”

“There’s always a way!” said Han. “I’ve managed to take down two, and I’m more than willing to take on a third!”

“This is different.”

“The hell it is! You are talking about a suicide mission! This isn’t bravery, it’s foolishness! Look kid, I know how you felt about her-”

“So then wouldn’t you do it?!” Ben interrupted, turning the rest of his body to face his father, searching the aging eyes of Han Solo. Their relationship had never been perfect. It’d been filled with disappointments, long absences, and broken promises. Sometimes Ben wondered if their greatest weakness was just how damned similar they were. “If it was Leia Organa suffocating under the influence of Snoke… wouldn’t you do anything to get her back?”

His father was stunned and speechless, a feat few had ever seen. He marveled at his victory, waiting for a response. He knew exactly what Han Solo would do. Ben could see the way lips pressed together into a thin line. He could hear the rough sigh of a man caught between truth and lie. They both knew exactly what he’d do. Ben waited, patient. He wouldn’t be backing down. His father would answer him, and it would confirm what he’d always known. It was worth it… facing his own destruction was always worth it if it was for _her_.

Finally, Han Solo spoke, though the words were filled with a sharp temper. “I would give everything I have to her and to you. Ben I’d give up my life to save my family from that monster.”

He knew how hard it was for his father to say those words. He didn’t doubt them for a second. “You said you’d do anything.”

“Yes… anything,” Han confirmed.

“I know what I have to do,” he repeated, licking his lips and standing up straight… like the Jedi should always be. Even in this moment, he needed his father to see him as strong, as more than what he actually felt he was. “It’s the will of the Force, father. Rey’s still in there somewhere, and I’m going to bring her back or die trying. I love her.”

*~*~*

Ben remembered the first day he met Rey. She had a funny accent, and bright grey eyes that seemed to shine brighter than any star in the galaxy. Rey wasn’t just some silly girl from Jakku. She was full of mystery and power, the only secret he’d ever wanted to solve. They’d both been full of wide-eyed wonder back then… at the Force, at the way it awakened a need they’d never known before. She would laugh when they would spar together, mostly at his clumsiness.

_‘Remain in the present, Ben! You must focus!’_

How was he to focus when a creature as enchanting as Rey pressed him into the dirt? He could sense something powerful lurking, something he’d not seen in a very long time. Observing the love of his parents, and feeling love himself were two very different things. She was pulling him in like a tractor beam, and it felt like even the Force was urging him forward. He settled for friendship, endured long nights as she shared little pieces of herself that no one else was allowed access to. He should have known even then where it was all heading, but love was blinding.

_‘You must focus….’_

There were glimpses of an agony he couldn’t quite fathom. He’d made peace with his demons at such a young age, told early on about his grandfather… he carried that burden even now. She had no such burden, but the darkness took hold anyway. The fear, the conflict of light verses darkness. Instead of embracing them, she’d struggled to pick a side. Master Luke told them they had to choose. Darkness or light… there was nothing else.

_‘Sometimes I think I’m just a shadow, Ben. There’s a greater power inside of me and I refuse to feed it. I could be more. Look at you… the grandson of Vader, but you’re no match for me._

He should have known where all of this was heading. He should have listened to the warning bells ringing so loudly in his ears. The darkness taking hold. The taste of power was a temptation she could never deny. He was content to be weak if it kept him from his grandfather’s path, but Rey wanted more. Rey was fascinated by the helmet he’d never had the courage to look at. It was just hiding in the closet like a black skeleton of plastic and ash. Vader’s mask wasn’t calling to him. It was calling to her. Kyla Ren... it wanted Kyla Ren.

The End (But Also To Be Continued in _Walking the Line Between Us_ )

**Author's Note:**

> In case you’re worried, I’m already almost done with the sequel. I just decided I’d keep the stories separate and see what people thought of my AU first. And yeah, in case you were wondering... Ben is one of the first gray Jedi. If you don't know what that is... google is awesome, and so are the gray Jedi. :)


End file.
